This is my testimony of salvation that occurred on Sept 28, 2004. I pray that you will take time to read it, I know it is long but I also pray that maybe it will help you in one way or another through my experience.
Before the Lord saved my soul I completely denied him. I claimed to be "spiritual" and thought I knew quite a bit about all things "religion". I paid attention in Sunday school as a child (the few times I went), thumbed through the Bible, even studied other religious philosophies. It was my passion. I was seeking truth. I thought I found it. I bought into the worldly idea that everyone has a little bit of the truth in them; evil is just the wrong perspective on things; hell doesn't exist. I dabbled in all sorts of ideas trying to find God, peace and understanding, from crystals and meditation, Buddhism, reading books on Native American practices, shamanism, animal and nature spirits, angels, the list goes on. In none of these I found peace. The only thing I received was a temporary feeling of accomplishment of my own doing, relying on my own "power". My life was... well the best word I can use to describe it is "lost", though I didnt know that until I was "found". I was like a person a drift at sea in a dingy landing on island after island hoping that it might be mainland but only finding desert. Finally, one day the Lord took mercy on me and pulled up like a giant rescue ship to pull me out of my drifting dingy.
The summer of 2004 my husband was deployed for his second time to Iraq. I had a 2 and 4yr old, living in North Carolina and we were getting hurricane after hurricane every 2 weeks or so. To some this isn't a big deal but I had grown such a fear of storms that I was living in non-stop terror with no one to lean on for support. I had no friends that lived even within the state, having 2 toddlers didn't leave me time for socializing. Family was too far away and my husband was busy defending freedom. I felt like a wild animal caught in a cage.
During all of this, the movie The Passion came out on DVD. Being always interested in all things "religion", I bought it. I always loved those Easter stories and I fully expected to entertain myself by pointing out all of its "false truths". As I watched the movie, I thought many times, "wow I didnt know that!" Now, we know that Mel Gibson did take some liberties in the story but it peaked my interest to see how much of that was actually said in the Bible. No sooner was the movie over, I went up to our storage closet where I knew we had one Bible buried in the boxes. I cracked that book open and began to read, starting with Matthew, fully convinced that Jesus was just a prophet, a good man, never claiming to be God.
It didn't take long before God gave me my first revelation. My Bible had reference notes in the margins where it would show where the subject could be read about in other parts of the Bible. In Matthew chapter 1 verse 22 and 23, after telling about Mary receiving the news of her coming child, it says that all this was foretold by a prophet - referencing the book Isaiah chapter 7 verse 14 and chapter 9 verses 6 and 7. Being the diligent student, I turn to that part and low and behold details being described accurately of what would eventually be the Christmas story we all know. I check when Isaiah was written, what? 20? 50 years before Christ was born? No, about a whopping 700years before it even happened! I was amazed! I faithfully looked up each reference to the Old Testament as I read through the Bible, getting amazed over and over again. Everything was foretold hundreds of years before, from His miracles to
how Christ was crucified. By this point I was convinced this is no ordinary book. I couldn't get enough. The only thing I wanted to watch on TV was something about Jesus, the only thing I wanted to listen to on the radio was something about God and the only thing I wanted to read was the Bible. As soon as the boys went to bed I opened my Bible and would read and study until it was 3 or 4 in the morning.
Though I was enthralled, though I was interested, I was still convinced no where did Jesus claim to be God. Nothing I had read (through my own understanding) said so otherwise, that is until I came to the Book of John, chapter 1 no less. Verse 1 says: "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." And then I got to Verse 14: "And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us, (and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father,) full of grace and truth." So verse 14 it says the
Word was made flesh and then in 1 says the
Word is God. I realized John was talking about Jesus, He is the Word and that means John says Jesus is God. Huh! "Oh," but I think, "Jesus still hasn't said anything about him being God, that's just John's opinion." So I continue to read on until I arrive at chapter 14, where my entire life was changed. Jesus is speaking to his disciples and they ask him to show them the Father, God the Father, and Jesus says in verse 9: "he that hath seen me hath seen the Father" and in verse 10:" Believest thou not that I am in the Father and the Father in me?"
There He said it, my world stopped.
I had to stop and think.
There's no turning back now, I had a choice to make.
I knew the truth now and I had to decide, was I going to accept it? Was I going to be able to let go of my pride, eat crow and be able to say all those things I once believed are completely wrong. I really actually sat there and thought on it for a while. Fear of what my husband would think (that was a big fear), fear of what friend and family would say began to come up. Then it occurred to me, if these things did happen, if Jesus is God, that means there is a Heaven and there is a Hell. Was I willing to risk Hell for my pride? That didnt take long to answer. I was on my knees praying and accepting Jesus as my Lord over my life. More things happened after that, I could probably write a novel. My life was completely changed and the Amy that once was, the one that most of you knew, no longer exists. The image of using a caterpillar turning into a butterfly to describe salvation does that better than any words that I have. That life crippled with fear I described above was gone. I became overflowing with peace. I assure you when God blesses He never blesses just a little bit, it is always in abundance! My world had changed!
There are times when my stubborn mule, prideful self shows up again and I try to cross my arms and turn my back thinking I know what's right; you cant tell me anything; I know it all. But when I uncross my arms and say OK I'll give it a try, that's when God meets me ALL the way and amazing things happen. Imagine a little boy who won't walk across a bridge, turning his back on his father shouting, "no! no! no!" Instead he peeks over his shoulder and softly says "ok, but I'm just taking one step." Before that boy barely puts his foot forward his father swoops him up and joyfully rushes him across. God doesn't expect us to do anything, just to have a willing heart and to trust Him. He has given us the answers now we get the choice, are we going to turn our back and says "no! no! no" or are we going to give a peek and a try?
I wrote all of this because I love you, because I want to share this great gift that God has to offer with you.
Thank you for reading my novel. (haha)
